Fashion Critical’s sassy take on the Golden Globes red carpet

The anonymous fashion blogger is back – and she’s saying what everyone is thinking.

Awards season is known for big gowns, fabulous frocks and some serious sartorial nightmares… and this year’s 2020 Golden Globes red carpet is no different.

Here, fashion blogger Fashion Critical shares her thoughts on the biggest looks from the night.

Margot Robbie

Margot Robbie confuses dinner with the girls with the Golden Globes. She looks lovely but I’m afraid I’m going to have to issue a DO YA HAIR violation, combined with a READ THE DRESS CODE red card.

Naomi Watts

Old Hollywood glamour, TAKE THAT, says our very own Naomi Watts.  She looks elegant, sophisticated and downright cute as a button.  * applause *

Kirsten Dunst

Kiki has always given off grandma vibes, but she’s really taken things up a level by using an actual grandma’s bedspread to craft this frock.  Nonetheless, I will say that she looks very pretty.

JLo

I’m totally here for J.Lo’s eco-friendly aesthetic, reusing her Christmas wrapping and all that, but I can’t hide my disappointment in saying that this is the worst frock she’s worn since ’82.

Cate Blanchett

Cate has always been a trailblazer when it comes to far-shun.  You’ll never see her wearing a “trend”.  She’s always original, but inimitably stylish and refined.  But this yellow thing? I don’t think it’s either of those. The bralette, the nude ice skater fabric, the crazy arm flaps and the sad, somewhat flaccid skirt leaves me, feeling, quite frankly, a little unhinged.  I don’t like it. There.  I said it.

Jennifer Aniston

It’s black, it’s simple, it’s long, bla bla bla, I’m bored.  I feel like if Angelina Jolie’s kids could doodle on this a bit, it could really take things up a notch.  Still, it’s inoffensive and elegant, I suppose.

Billy Porter

Billy is the red carpet muse we’ve been waiting our whole lives for. Part man, part ostrich, resplendent in sparkly satin boots, he is FABULOUS, and if you say otherwise, I’ll be very cross.